I know a Sadist, I said, I have one at home.
He is an expert in inflicting pain and humiliation on OTHERS.
Playing with him means happily embracing the pains (and the great pleasures from it too) with some memorabilia as bonuses: bruises, welts, marks, cuts, or when things get wild a bit (rarely though), a short trip to ER with frowning medic(s) will freshen up your day.
He finds it arousing, fulfilling to see pain and fear in the eyes of his play partner, so as the signs of struggle and shocked.
This is why a Sadist needs a masochist, the made in heaven play partner who is thriving over the pain, fear, humiliation, degradation; someone who is wearing all the bruises, welts, marks, cuts, injury bandages with pride.
A S/m scene can consist one or more of below play(s):
1. Impact Play: whipping, flogging, spanking, caning, slapping, punching, kicking.
2. Edge Play: blood play, breath play, gun play, fire play, needle play, knife play, primal play, torture play, humiliation play, and degradation play.
These plays challenge both play partners mentally, physical, and emotional. Soooooo, before agreeing into a S/m scene, I'll remember below points by heart:
1. CONSENSUAL: the first commandment is consensual. If I am not feeling exciting, arousing about the whole pain, fear, humiliation, degradation things, all I need to do is to say my 'NO' out loud. No matter how gorgeous/famous/powerfull the potential play partner is, still 'Nah' to the 'Ah' to the 'No', 'No', 'No' (Meigan Trainor's style).
If I agree to play or give it a try, but later on I feel uncomfortable to continue the scene, I have all the rights to say 'red' or another agreed safeword immediately to end the scene.
2. Communication: I have to share with my play partner beforehand: my safeword, preferences (like & don't like, can do & big no-nos), limits (hard limit & soft limit), and existing injuries and past surgery history/serious illness if any, as SPECIFIC and DETAIL as possible. It is okay to ASK QUESTIONs to my play partner as if we are going to perform a major heart surgery as patient and the surgeon.
I can negotiate the rules throughly especially when I have a new type of play to try and/or new play partner to play with.
3. Find the right play partner to play with: every S/m has their own expertise or preference for certain type of plays, play toys, play location, and tolerance level (light, medium, hardcore).
If I cannot take hardcore pains, I won't sign up for whipping or caning, I'll go with flogging instead. If I do not enjoy chasing down my play partner in the woods, licking-biting-nipping, fighting, I won't push myself to join Primal play.
4. An experienced Sadist - like the one I have at home - has gone through series of trainings and he practises regularly. He is also skilled in body anatomy, body languages, CPR, and first aids.
A novice Sadist (like me) normally will have a mentor present during the scene to make sure things are under control and safety rules are being adhered.
5. Duration: a S/m scene can be very short (10 minutes) or much longer. It is wise for me to choose shorter duration when playing with a novice or playing for the first time with new type of play or new play partner. After we know each other better and the trust is built, I can agree to increase the duration gradually.
6. Warm Up: the scene will start with low and slow touches, massages, strokes to let both S/m to enter deeper into the headspace, to to build connections - especially when we are new to each other, to let the body to produce enough endorphine in the preparation for more intense phase. The intensity works up gradually from there.
7. Safe Play Toys: each play toys is required to be sterilized, packed, and stored properly after the scene is over for reuse purposes. Soap and different chemicals are commonly used; it depends on the usage and materials of the play toys. It is okay to ask my play partner on how he/she sterilized the play toys beforehand.
Leather and other natural based play toys such as flogger, whip, rattan cane once exposed to body fluids (especially blood) cannot be sterilized fully. These toys can transmit bacteria and diseases if reuse to different play partners. It is better to use them above clothing during the scene, or I can have my own play toys for personal use. Another option is to prepare individual play toys for each play partner. Better safe than sorry.
8. Aftercare: I can have/provide aftercare from/to my play partner (S or m) after the scene is over, in order to help me or my play partner to get back to reality after high endorphine rush and intense emotional attachment during the scene.
Follow up aftercare on day 2, day 3 might be required if emotional breakdown occur after the scene. I have to inform my play partner or my trusted group/community member if I need more aftercare afterward.
There are few individuals who do not need aftercare at all. It is perfectly normal.
9. S/m relationship is not always equal to D/s relationship.
S/m can involve multiple play partners.
S/m scene can be non-sexual where there is no exchange of body fluids and no sexual penetration.
And switching role (a Sadist switches to masochist - a masochist switches to Sadist) is totally common.
10. A Sadist is not always equal to a dominant. There are Sadists who are not dominant at all.
A dominant is not always a Sadist. There are plenty of gentle, caring, loving dominants who are so not into inflicting pain and humiliation to their submissive(s).
A dominant who is also a Sadist mostly is a passionate, caring, loving play partner inside and outside the scene. He/she puts your fulfillment and personal growth into serious concerns.
Alora, I end this topic here. May my fellow Proteges find comfort and encouragement in your journey to be a master in what you love.
xoxo - your fun lovers!
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