Thursday, December 15, 2016

Loving a Sadist: Is it possible?

Sooo... you've found your perfect play partner, someone who was telling you he is enjoying inflicting pain, a Sadist. And each time you're having a scene with him you feel more and more attached to him, yet your conscious mind keep playing repeat questions inside your brain:

'How the hell am I falling for someone who caused me bruises and welts all over my back and  butt (and other places too) and still dreaming to live happily ever after with him? Shouldn't I choose the gentle one instead?'

Well, the good news is, you are not alone. Here are what the experts said:

1. Since the old days, the good girl inside us always attracted to the badass - big bad wolf type, because they are hot, confident, adventurous with sense of danger comes with it. A Sadist is the 'badass' in BDSM community, true?

2. If your Sadist is a Dominant, just double the effects with some dose of authoritative, demanding, powerful, protective, in control qualities.

3. A Sadist is a polite person, a gentleman in the crowd. It's easy to get comfortable with them.

4. A Sadist can be the quiet one, or less talkative compare to others, which will make him looks mysterious. And ladies are drawn to mysterious man, like moths to light.

5. Most Sadist are passionate play partner and lover. The intensity and risks during a scene require him to be a skilled pleasure before pain seducer, an attentive play partner who is constantly checking up on you, and a generous aftercare giver.

Sound familiar?

Ok, now we go to the next question:

Is a Sadist capable of having a love relationship out of the scene?

The answer is: YES!

No matter how badass a Sadist is, he is still a human. He has feelings like you and me and the rest of human beings on earth. Love is included.

And when I wrote this topic, I interviewed dozens of Sadist from different community and continent from age 30 to 50 years old. Couple of them are having over 10+ years happy relationship with the same partner/spouse.

The interview also revealed that some Dominant Sadist are the most territorial Dominant you'll find. The fact that SM are quite a rare species, when it comes to mutual love, the possibility is even slimer. Combines it with the strong protectiveness plus compassionate personalities, the result is lethal.

Speaking of relationship type, some Dominant Sadist prefer D/s relationship - where the power exchange applies in the bedroom only. Yet there are others who prefer 24/7 Master/slave relationship as well though it goes with much more mature Dominant.

Before I sign out, I'd like to share some advice to my fellow protege and new submissive who are pursuing a Sadist as your lover:

It is not wise to agree or accept or sign anything he proposes right away, no matter how charming and seductive it sound. Take your time to check and learn every fancy word he said until you fully understand. Internet can be a good source of information if local community is not an available option. It can also provide guidance on questions you should ask him, things to negotiate with him, to learn type plays and the risks, your limits, etc. By typing "submissive' or 'dominant' on search engine, you'll find some good websites/blogs to begin with.

If he insisted you to follow his rules fully, allowing no room for negotiation, LEAVE him right away. His is not worth your time, your love, your submission.

The most important is, Trust Your Guts or the little voice inside your head. When it says something is wrong, leave immediately. Say your safeword. Run. You can always review later.

My best wishes that you have a happy and wonderful journey in pursuing your heart, your love. Say safe and fun, always.

xoxo - your fun lover!